Good grief

Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”

Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was. Then after this he said to the disciples, “Let us go to Judea again.” The disciples said to him, “Rabbi, the Jews were just now seeking to stone you, and are you going there again?” Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.” After saying these things, he said to them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to awaken him.” The disciples said to him, “Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover.” Now Jesus had spoken of his death, but they thought that he meant taking rest in sleep. Then Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus has died, and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” So Thomas, called the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

Now when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off, and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother. So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” She said to him, “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.”
 When she had said this, she went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.” And when she heard it, she rose quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?”
Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odour, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”
Many of the Jews therefore, who had come with Mary and had seen what he did, believed in him.

John 11:1–45

Throughout these Sundays in Lent, we have heard about three people who had an encounter with Jesus and walked away completely changed.

First: the smart man. The more Jesus had to teach Nicodemus, the less he realised he knew. “You are Israel’s teacher,” said Jesus, “and do you not understand these things?…I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?” (Jn. 3:10,12) We are also smart, but not as smart as we think. Jesus responds by teaching us.

Second: the thirsty woman. The Samaritan woman didn’t expect much when she went to the well that day, but she encountered a man who told her “all she ever did” (Jn. 4:29). She went to the well expecting to have her physical thirst quenched temporarily, and went back to town having been given living water. We, too, thirst in many ways. Jesus satisfies our thirst.

Third: the blind man. Ironically, it was the Pharisees that were blind to who Jesus was, while the man who used to be blind had his eyes opened to see not only the world around him for the first time, but also his Saviour. We also have our blind spots that prevent us from seeing God, others, or even ourselves. Jesus opens our eyes.

Today, we hear about a grieving sister. Martha has been grieving the death of her brother for the last four days by the time Jesus finally arrives. It’s not hard for us to identify with her grief, since we grieve in many ways as human beings.

All human beings experience grief.

We grieve when we lose something of value. Some examples:

• Relationships sometimes naturally fade over time. Moving away from a close friend; falling out over a big issue; a change in life circumstances. Close relationships can fade over time and sometimes they can implode out of nowhere.

• Societies can become different from what they once where. Technology has changed how we communicate. COVID prevented us from meeting together and it never returned. New generations just don’t live life in the same way. We can feel like our societies lose something.

• Families, churches, and communities can become toxic. A conflict creates a deep division and people take sides. A forced change unsettles people and turns them against each other. Sometimes, our closest relationships are the most painful.

We grieve in all kinds of ways as human beings. Ultimately, at the core of all grief is something that we don’t like talking about and do our best to avoid even though it is inevitable: death.

Death of a relationship, a culture, a community, or even a dream.

Obviously, the most painful death of all is the literal one. When we experience the death of someone close to us, there is a finality about it that gives us a permanent sense of loss that cannot be undone. Grief is not a tunnel that we eventually reach the other end of—it is a sharp turn in the road that we have no choice but to journey on.

Martha, and her sister Mary for that matter, are in a time of grief. Lazarus had been seriously unwell several days prior. It was one of those times where they knew he didn’t have long. They call for Jesus because they knew he had the power to help and to heal.

So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”

Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.

John 11:3–6

Sometimes, Jesus makes decisions that seem completely insensitive and unhelpful. This is one of those times. We know that’s what Martha and her sister Mary thought. When Jesus does finally show up, they both greet him with the same words: “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died” (Jn. 11:21,32). It’s hard to gauge what kind of emotion was behind these words, but it’s easy to imagine that they were probably said in frustration and disappointment.

I wonder whether you’ve found yourself saying or thinking similar words. You asked Jesus to show up and do something in your life, but it seemed like your prayer fell on deaf ears, or maybe he even ignored your request on purpose.

We know that God has the power to change lives, but no help comes. We ask God for healing because we know he can heal, but it gets worse. We ask God to help us with a difficult relationship, but the division only gets deeper. We ask God to guide our church, but the same old problems seem to happen.

How does Jesus respond to Martha? He doesn’t apologise. He doesn’t admit wrong. He speaks a word of promise. “Your brother will rise again.” (Jn. 11:23)

“Yes, Jesus. Of course he will—on the last day with the rest of God’s faithful. But he’s quite clearly dead right now.”

Jesus responds: “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall live.” (Jn. 11:25)

He will deliver on this promise very soon, but first, he does something somewhat surprising.

Jesus empathises with our grief.

If I asked you what the shortest verse in the Bible was, you could probably tell me: “Jesus wept.” It’s the shortest verse in the Bible and one of the most profound. Jesus, the Saviour of the world and only Son of the living God, weeps.

There are times in the gospels where we are shown signs that Jesus is really human—he gets hungry (Lk. 4:2), he gets thirsty (Jn. 4:7), he gets tired (Jn. 4:6), he even gets stressed (Lk. 22:44). Today, we hear that he weeps. When it comes to human grief, he is as vulnerable as any of us, possibly even more so.

We’ve established that we grieve when we lose something. It’s not just the loss that causes grief, though. It’s the love that we have for whatever is lost. We grieve because we love.

“When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled.” (Jn. 11:33)

Jesus’ display of grief tells us two things: his genuine humanity and his deep love for his friends. For many people, when they see someone else in tears, it is almost impossible not to cry themselves. Sometimes, you don’t even need to know why that person is crying—empathy is a natural human instinct. For some, that empathy is shown outwardly. For others (most men), it is kept very securely inside.

Jesus is deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. They take him to where Lazarus is lying and when he sees it, that’s the last straw. He weeps.

“So the Jews said, ‘See how he loved him!’” We grieve because we love.

Jesus empathises with our grief. He has compassion on those who experience the pain of loss because he has felt that same pain himself. He wept with the sisters because he loved them. When you hurt, he hurts. You could say he’s a bit like a loving Father in that way.

Jesus empathises with our grief, but he is also the only one that has the power to do something about it.

Jesus will take away our grief.

Next week, we begin Holy Week by celebrating Palm Sunday. We will join the crowds, singing hosanna to the King. We will follow the disciples to the upper room. We will watch and wait with them at Gethsemane. We will listen to Pilate’s testing questions of Jesus. We will watch the crowds as they demand a criminal’s death. We will follow Jesus to Calvary as he carries his cross. We will stand with the women and the beloved disciple as we see him take his final breath.

We will grieve. But that’s not all.

The tomb couldn’t hold Lazarus. Neither could the tomb hold Jesus. “I am the resurrection and the life,” he said.

Neither can the tomb hold us. Nor can it hold our loved ones who have gone before. Grief persists while we wait for the final resurrection—we are not there yet.

And yet, we do not grieve alone. As the gathered people of God, we grieve our losses together with the hope of the final resurrection. We grieve with Jesus’ promise in our hearts and on our lips:“I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

May the Holy Spirit grant us to respond in the same way Martha did: “Yes, Lord, I believe.” Amen.